Getting a lil vulnerable with this episode as we talk about postpartum depression, things not working out in our business and when it all comes together. I’ve learned that the past 8 years of things that I thought weren’t working out in my favor were actually all leading to one amazing thing. So when you feel like things aren’t coming for you, listen to this episode.
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Full Episode Transcription:
Hi, my name is CarliAnna and you are listening to see over it. Hello and welcome back. Apologies that there was no episode last week. I have been recording these like we do each week. I feel like it just helps me stay more current with you guys and it doesn’t feel like oh yeah, I requested that like four weeks ago and I’m dealing with something different. I don’t really care too hard. I mean, I feel like I feel a little bit more passionate about the podcast, which I do love but I feel like so like I’m never not passionate about it, but I feel even more so passionate when I’m recording it each week which also means like if there’s an unexpected hitch in the plans like there was this weekend last week, it makes it a little hard but I’ll take that over not feeling as passionate as I possibly could about this podcast.
Our nanny went on a little vacation and got stuck in the snow and so with how absolutely crazy last week was which I’ll tell you why in a second I just podcast was happening on the planet. But today I don’t want to even like give you guys a little synopsis of what we’re going to be talking about in this week’s episode because I know if I start talking about I mean like this is what we’re going to be talking about. I’m going to spoil it for you guys I feel like once I start talking about it I just have to start talking about it but basically, if you are feeling like you’re just getting a lot of nose things aren’t working out for you and you’re just feeling a little down in the dumps. I think this is going to be the perfect episode for you guys.
Because I can’t get into I can’t I’m gonna spoil it so let’s get into this first segment instead. Where we are going to be talking about snacks and trackies okay trucks you guys as of this morning as of four hours ago someone’s here at the house one sec. Oh my gosh, I have literally been waiting all day for someone to come and inspect your house. I’m gonna keep swelling while I’m talking about and they literally just came while I’m recording the podcast so now I feel really awkward recording this podcast knowing like a stranger is walking around my house. But we’re just if we’re getting over it, we’re doing it and we’re getting over it. We’re gonna record anyways because we are professionals. Okay, so as of this morning back to what I was reading, I finished Beneath the scarlet sky and you guys I am physically unwell I am mentally unwell I am shook to our core just keep repeating all the cliche sayings that you hear on Tiktok is so good. Like I feel like more than any book I’ve read in the past two years. This is one of the books that I feel like is just genuinely changed me like I will not be the same after reading this book. It’s a true story. Well, some people were like I don’t know how this is true like there’s not a lot of evidence on how this is true. It’s just an old man’s memories and some people are like questioning how all this can be true because it is quite actually the craziest story but anyways it is a supposedly true story about an Italian man living during during World War Two and it starts off where he is helping Jews escape over the opposite he goes on all these crazy expeditions trying to help Jews escape and that’s like the first not too long in the book and then it gets into where he this guy the main character Pino he becomes a spy for the resistance in the war he becomes one of like the top guns like Hitler’s left hand the top dog in Italy the general his driver and he translates for the driver he’s like in the room for a lot of like the big meetings and the things that happen he falls in love it’s just the way it and you guys like it’s a really good story but then the way it ended the plot twist took me out like I am still just sitting here reeling over how it ended and just all the things were like what the actual app like was that like it’s just wild and it’s one of those weeks where I’m like why did I not pick it up sooner but also like I am so just absolutely soul crushed? That I hear Yeah, yeah, you gotta be prepared to have your soul crushed a little bit I’m not gonna lie but it is a really really good book like I really if you guys have read I think I talked about Poppy’s work which I freaking love the popular I don’t think I have actually because I was on maternity leave when I was leaving. Reading Poppy where? Oh my gosh, you guys that was one of my top books of last year. I’ve been I’ve talked about another podcast but probably war is like notoriously known for just like being extremely violent and just showing the utter atrocities of war, which it was, I mean, one of my cousins who actually referred Beneath the scarlet sky to me, she read popular she had to stop because she was like, it was just like way too, like gruesome for me. And beneath the scarlet sky was like depressing in a totally different way. Like it. I don’t want to spoil anything. And this is not spoiling anything because it’s nothing even remotely similar to if you’ve ever seen the movie, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. The storyline is nothing similar. So if you feel like I’m doing some kind of foreshadowing in there, I’m not it’s just has the same vibes where you’re like, Oh, this is just really sad. And this is sad that this actually happened. And that’s all I’m going to say. But you every single person needs to read it. It’s so so good.
Okay, now as for snacks. Guys, please don’t hate me I am training for a marathon so my snacks are really boring lately. But last week, I put you on the bill for protein bars. Okay, this tiktok put me on a new protein for this. I mean, we think Bill bars get better feel bars is number two. Number one is the bar is it bareback through the barbell or barbell, I’m not even kidding when I say that they taste like legit protein bars I mean candy bars like they have one that tastes like the boy no bar and they have one that tastes like an actual Cookies and Cream Bar. Like I frickin look forward to them every single day. They are so good. Oh, my gosh.
okay, so now that we are done with our whole snacks and tracks segment, we’re gonna get into the life update that I have in this week’s episode again, those things are gonna be kind of combined, because it’s just been cool. Anyways, how everything is worked out, I don’t want to like spoil it. But okay, so Okay, before I give the update, I feel like I need to give even more background to like, what’s been going on in our life, and excuse me, I, I feel like I’m gonna start crying. I actually know I’m gonna start crying because I, I recorded this whole story, like literally like 20 or 30 minutes, and then I accidentally deleted it. And I was like crying by the end. And now I just like feel down because I have to record the whole thing over again. And I’m like, got tears on my face. And like, highly, highly emotional talking about this. And I have to tell it again, like, that’s just so embarrassing for me. Oh my gosh, you know, like, you’re like spilling your guts to one friend. And you’re like crying and it’s emotional. And then like, another friend walks in, and they’re like, what’s going on? And you’re like, I don’t even know how to explain this over again. That’s kind of how I feel. But we’re gonna get into and try our best.
Okay, so some background for this week’s episode, because I’ve truly had one of the most enlightening months of my entire life. Like, it’s just been one of those months where it feels like everything’s finally working out after so many years of nose and nose and nose and nose and nose. And so I hope this is like truly helpful for those of you guys who feel like, oh, my gosh, when is it going to work out? Like, what am I finally going to be able to get like the payment that’s due to me, because for a lot of us in our business in our lives, like it’s so easy to work so hard? And it’s so easy to control what you can control, but there are so many parts of our business in our life that like you can’t control. And there’s just like a sad reality to that that’s also kind of beautiful in its own way that you can do absolutely everything that you can in your business, but there is still a part of your business and there’s still a part of what you want in your life that is completely out of your control that you can’t take charge of. There is a lot you can take control of and so much you can take control of or take charge of and I’m gonna kind of talk about that here. But sometimes there’s just nothing you can do about sucky things that are happening in your life and you just have to like wait it out. But I promise like, again, I hope this episode helps with those times when you feel like I can’t do anything more like I’m at my edge. I’ve done it all. And I’m still feeling the sucky feeling I’m still feeling sad. I’m still feeling depressed or whatever. Gosh, I’m ready to start crying. I don’t know why I’m gonna be so emotional with this episode. It doesn’t feel like that big of a deal. It is but it’s not. Oh my gosh, I’m embarrassed but here we go.
Okay, so a little background. past eight years, I have been living in Ogden, Utah place which is, while great and amazing. For some people, it’s just not a great and amazing place. For me. It’s never a place that I really pictured myself living. It just always felt really, really temporary. Because on when I was 18, my husband Lydon and I, started dating, I moved down here from Idaho to start dating him because he was going to school down here, I wasn’t really going to school, I was like, I can move down there. Plus, I have family down here. And I was able to live with them like this, like Ogden, Utah is where my mom grew up. And it’s where my grandma and my aunt still live. So like, I do have some connections here. So I just at the time, it made more sense for me to move down to Ogden, rather than my husband and or, you know, then boyfriend moving up to Idaho for me. So it just kind of happened that we accidentally ended up living in Ogden, Utah. And both of us I’ve never really, really, really loved it. Even mine who grew up here was just like, it’s good. I don’t know, like, but he’s kind of like with me, where we both just really, really want to live a life that we’re in the outdoors, we’re not surrounded by people, it’s a beautiful home that just like feels peaceful. Like, that’s the ultimate thing that I feel like I have wanted and chased for eight years is a peaceful, homey feeling where I come home and I’m like, I love it here. I love being outside, I love spending time in my room, I love spending time here, you know, in my living room or in my kitchen, and like I am such a homebody person and that I feel like home to me is such an important aspect. I mean, as it is, I’m sure with like most people, I mean, where you live, I feel like dictates so much of your energy that I ate really feels super important to me. And so like, when I started my business, we started my business so that we would be able to afford this lifestyle. Like, truly, that’s what it was because Leiden chose to be a teacher, which he loves. But he doesn’t do it for the money, obviously. But he’s really really good at it. He loves it, we just both feel like this is the thing that he’s supposed to be doing. And so we’ve tried everything we can to keep him to being a seminary teacher, because I don’t want to be the one to like pull him out and be like, Okay, you can’t work because, you know, money or whatever, just, you know what I mean? Like I want to be able to support him and his interests. So I’m Lyden. Yeah, whoa, this has been crazy Okay, so. So Lyden always works for that, whatever. And his job unfortunately dictates where we live.
Like, we have an area, which is like the weber County area, whatever that like you can move schools and be around and you actually get moved quite a bit with the kind of teacher that he is. But getting outside of areas is really really, really freaking hard. Like, we’ve had other seminary teachers who have tried to move areas for 15 years, and actually trying to get to the exact area that we just got moved to and have not gotten like people who have sold their house and been like I am selling my house and like they’ve quit over this because they won’t move them to this area. Like it’s been a huge problem for this whatever for the job that Lyden has and so we were kind of like okay, cool, we don’t really have control over the fact that we can’t get back to it because that’s like the ultimate dream. ultimate dream or like okay, we’re not going to be in Idaho so whatever like I don’t know I just kind of like put it out of my mind I was like it’s not going to be a reality I’m not going to think about it I’m not going to be sad about it because like I can’t control that. So we’re just not gonna even think about it and so in my brain I was like okay, well what can I control and this is like where I feel like a lot of like the manifestation I feel like comes in is it was like, Okay, I want to manifest and I want to work for this homesteading country live but like I’m in an area where that’s not super attainable. But it is possible. It’s just friggin expensive. It is so crazy expensive felt like as crazy expensive as California but it’s still really expensive guys. And so I was like, okay, cool. Like, we’re going to do it like I’m going to do it that like if this is where we are supposed to live. If, and this is the life that we want, like, I’m going to do everything we can to do things that are within my power. So that means I need to be making more money. And so that’s why I started my business is because I was like, Okay, I’m gonna earn the money, I’m gonna do it like I’m gonna work for it’s gonna happen, we’re done, Consider it done. And two years ago, we did, we finally got all the money that we needed to I was making a consistent amount of high money that we were like, we can afford this, we can do this. We’ve got the dream lifestyle, and started looking at land. And we found that the absolute most beautiful piece of land I’ve ever seen in my life still to this day, it is core, just a piece of land, like I mean, we’re moving to Idaho. And I’ll still get to that point in a second. But so we’re not, oh my gosh, we’ll get to that point in a second. The story but I did tell my builder I was like, Oh my gosh, never mind for nine months. I regret it. It’s a beautiful piece of land.
Beautiful piece of land. And so we bought it and we were excited for this. Like, I don’t know, this, this huge lifestyle change. I felt like okay, things are finally working out. Like we worked hard. We did it Good day, like dreams are coming true, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that’s kind of where just says hits the fan. And I feel like that’s actually where it got really, really, really bad for me personally. Because a few months later, we found out well we knew Idaho, or Utah was in a huge drought. But we didn’t know that. That Valley, especially because it was so rural, it didn’t have a lot of water to go around. And so they were being very selective with who they’re giving water rights out to. And we were not one of the people that got water rights. Like literally guys, they closed the water rights down like a month after we purchased our land. Really unfortunate. I mean, and so we’re like, okay, it’s fine, originally, like it’s fine, whatever, we’ll just like keep waiting. And you know, they’ll give it out eventually, they can’t hold on to it forever. Right? Right, you would think so wrong? No, they don’t even like it after we heard about that one last March. They don’t even reassess the water rights until this next March. They’re like, Okay, we’re going to be checking back in 2023, like CNN, and we’re like, cool. So I guess we just have to like, sit on this land for a year and a half. Not to mention, we had a horrible interest rate, a horrible interest rate wasn’t even like a set interest rate. It was basically like part of it was a giant line of credit where that interest rate would go up every time the national interest rate will go up. So which as you can imagine, this past year, with interest rates going up from like, 2% to 7%, within a year. It’s just been nuts and horrible. We’re like, awesome, cool, we just get to sit on this really expensive piece of land and pay a really expensive mortgage for living in a crappy house. And honestly, like, it was really, really hard. Like, It sounds so dumb. And again, I’m gonna acknowledge this is such a privilege. It’s such a dumb problem to have, like, there are so many more real problems out there. But like, I also can’t deny that this was a real problem. For me, it was really hard and has sucked. And I think it came to a point whenever Letta was born, and I was dealing with like, just this feeling of like bringing another baby home to this home that I hated. And not having sleep and just being tired as crap and all the hormonal imbalances that come with postpartum craziness. And it just felt like seven years of just feelings just finally just got released and just finally hit its breaking point.
I just had some pretty severe postpartum rage postpartum depression that I’m still kind of dealing with today to be honest. But I’m crying again. This is so stupid. I’m sorry guys, but it was really hard. It just felt like that was just the trigger that all of these feelings of hating where we lived and just dealing with this forever temporary feeling and not knowing where we’re going to end up and things aren’t going to work out and just so non our control just came to a point and just broke just absolutely broke me. I think it was that like the reason why I really think it was like not even like just postpartum stuff that I was dealing with. It was just like a regular depression that was just amplified by postpartum This is because I feel like the only things that like oh hoped, or when I was like working on our house and doing things to make our house feel like a home like we redid our kitchen, you know, the kitchen counters, we redid our bathroom. We got a new couch, I spent a lot more money than I probably should have actually definitely should have. But it did help with the depression. So I guess it was worth it. I don’t know. Harsh and it was finally around that time that Lyden just kind of like went to his boss because I was like, I’ve had it like, I’m like, I can’t do this like something needs to change. And he went to his boss and he was like, Hey, I’m like considering quitting. Because this job well, I love like, it’s doing more harm than good now because it’s hindering us from living where we want to live. And like, it just doesn’t feel worth it anymore. And his boss frickin bless his soul, it was so awesome and nice and was like, You know what, like, we really want to keep you we love you, you’re so good at your job. We’re gonna do everything that we can to keep you here and to get not keep you keep you in the company and move you to Idaho. But this is lightens boss and line Scott, there’s like five other people higher up than his boss. And so we’re like, okay, cool. That’s really nice of him. And like, if it were up to his boss, we would be moving 100%. But like, there are 10 More people ahead of him. So like is we just didn’t really know how much of a reality that was, but we had a lot of help. And I feel like that was just something that I really needed. And I feel like that helped me a lot. There was something that kind of like closed when he was just on our side and was like fighting for us
Because before then it was like, oh, yeah, maybe I’ll move to Idaho, we don’t know. And then we’re like, that’s it. Like, we just hope we eventually somehow get moved to Idaho anyways, but to have someone actually fighting on our side just felt awesome. Still clinically depressed, but was doing a lot better. And so anyways, but after that happened, like last fall, and not much happened since last fall to up until a month ago.
Finally, a month ago, I hear back from the water, right people in that county and they’re like, Hey, we got so much water this winter that we’re probably going to look at the water rights a little bit earlier than he anticipated. But if we give you water rights, you have to build within 12 months of getting those water rights. We were like, oh, okay, so this is like legit, this is serious. And all of a sudden it felt like okay, cool. Like, this is cool that we’re finally moving forward. But like this is also pretty official. Like if we build here like this is it. And I think it’s because we had so much hope from Biden’s boss that I was like, let’s just like check in and make sure like Idaho really isn’t happening or it is happening. Because if we start building like we got to start building and once we start building like I want closure on Idaho, I don’t even want it to be a thing. I don’t want to be thinking about it. I really just need it to be closed and to be able to live a fricking present life because that’s something I haven’t had for a long time. And weird went to lightens boss and we’re like, hey, this thing you know, we really need to know we need closure. And two days later, not even lightens boss or line even lightens boss’s boss that lightens boss’s boss’s boss like three people up came to light an in person says how home about an opening that we that was up in Idaho. And he’s like you still have to interview for I can’t promise anything. But I wanted to let you personally know that. We really want you there and we’re gonna like try everything we can to get you there. And we’re like, Oh my heck. And at that point, I’m freaking out. I don’t even know what to think I’m like, Is this really happening? I can’t even believe there’s even a possibility that this could be happening. But it also was like, trying to calm myself down because I just knew I would not be able to recover if I was like, oh, yeah, this is happening blah, blah, blah. So excited. And then it doesn’t happen. I don’t know. Especially because lightens boss was giving us so much hope like he was like there was a 90% chance that you’re gonna get an interview. And if they get to know you like they’re for sure gonna hire you. They’re gonna love you. Like he was hyped and lighten up so much. And in my mind, I’m like, they wouldn’t hype him up like if they meant it. Right. But like, also, again, how much power do these people have? Like, is it really going to happen? And so I was just trying not to get my hopes up. And we got the interview, which was awesome. And that was the last time you guys heard from me was like, the way we had the interview and we were just waiting to hear back I was like two days away from hearing back. And a week after our interview like two days after I recorded last week’s episode or two weeks goes episode we heard that we got the job. We got the transition and we’re moving to Idaho. So we are freaking moving to it.
Oh, but one of the cool parts too about this that like, I want to add is the timeline of this I wanted to like make sure you guys like see this because it’s crazy to me is okay is going on. Oh my gosh, the timeline of all of this, like, It’s so wild to me is, I really felt like, Okay, we have a business where we can do stuff, or we can, like live the life that we want to. And so we bought the land, we took the first step, the only first step that we could see didn’t really know what was gonna happen. And for a year and a half, almost two years, we could not get water on it, we would have started building immediately if we could, but for a year and a half, we have not been able to build. And the same month that I get the water rights is the same month within, oh my gosh, is the same month that we get the job. Like guys, I’m not even kidding. Like, we got we got the interview, we got the job, a week later, we get the official water rights for that land. A day later, the builder that we are going to go within Utah text me asked me if he asked if he can buy that land. Like the fact that like we were just being told no over and over and over again for this land. And then finally, we’re told yes, like, the perfect month that we get the job. Like, if we had gotten that any sooner, we would have started building on the land. But like, we got all of those noes so that we could like get this Yes. Not to mention to that, like, we bought that land and like we’re gonna make a good profit off of selling that land. And that’s going to help us get a house in Idaho. Like, we wouldn’t be able to get like part of this house that we’re wanting to get without buying that land. It all just like works so freakin magically and like it’s just crazy to me to see how literally the past eight years of our life like even just living in this house. I hate so freaking much. Like, it makes sense to me because I’m like, we had to have had this house because now we have so much equity in this house, that it’s gonna help us buy the house that we want. In Idaho. Like we would not be able to get this house in Idaho if we hadn’t had all these things in the past eight years, guys. Like it had to take eight years. Not yet to get this yes, that we finally finally finally have and it just like finally seeing all come together. It’s just like the coolest thing to see. I’m gonna cry crying, I will say I’m gonna cry. I’m already crying just to see in my life. Then also, I know it sounds so dumb to be so attached about where we’re living and house, but this is why we started our business.
And this is like why we anything we do in 10kgg? Do we always attach like, your money goals? With reasons of why, like, why do you want that money, it’s got to be attached to something bigger because otherwise it’s not gonna have any purpose. It’s not going to have any happiness attached to it. It’s not going to mean anything to you. Because we’ve been doing really well financially the past two years. But yeah, I had been so so so depressed. Because we haven’t been able to live the life that I wanted the money to fuel we haven’t been able to have the freedom to have that money was supposed to be able to provide us with Do you know what I mean? Like money can be such a good and powerful thing when is attached to a lifestyle or goal that has actual meaning to otherwise it’s absolutely garbage. And I think that’s why so many people hate on having money like no money can’t buy happiness. No it can’t. But it also can give you the options it can give you freedom that brings happiness and so that’s why I’m so grateful for the money to be able to now have this beautiful home like oh my gosh guys, we just got back from Idaho where we were looking at houses we found the house that I the house we found and then we’re gonna probably live in is absolutely gorgeous. And I just like pinching myself that this is real. And it’s like yeah, the money is a good thing. Like, I’m never you’re never going to hear me say that.
Money is a horrible evil thing even though I have not been happy the past two years ever like yes, I’ve been happy but also depressed. You know, you can like feel happiness while you’re depressed like anyways and Haven’t I just I hope this like helps those of you who are feeling like when is it going to be my turn? Like when the heck is it going to be my turn? Because I promise your turn is coming wow I’m crying so much, I just I wish I could give all of you guys like a big hug who I feel like are struggling with something like this because I know how hard it is is suck seriously so bad. I wasn’t really not expecting to cry this episode. Holy crap I find pulling my eyes out says oh my gosh, yes. I’m not like embarrassed to my emotions. I just can’t believe I’m like crying during the podcast episode. Trust me. I’ve cried a lot during this whole process. But anyways, that’s this week’s episode. That’s like the message I wanted to share because I feel like it’s important to talk about things like this and to talk about all of the hard crap but also really good things that happened from money and from business and how that combined with your life. So yeah, I don’t even know how to end this episode. I feel like I was super vulnerable and I’m gonna be like, Hey, see you next week.
Like oh my gosh, I’ll keep updating you as on the process but yeah, we’re moving we’re going to be moving in the next two months. We’re getting our house ready to sell which has been an absolutely nuts holy cow. Trying to sell a on trying to sell a house trying to buy a house in another state. Trying to figure out the timing of everything is absolutely why oh, it’s it’s a lot not gonna lie. I’m a little tired. Obviously. You can say I hear my voice. I’m tired. But I’m just very grateful to have these problems and to be stressed from moving rather than being stressed from what I’ve been stressed about the past few years. I’m really grateful. I’m really excited. The house we found is absolutely gorgeous when we move I mean I have pictures I shared but I have to do more of an official home tour or something once it’s more official. So anyways, Love and blessings, guys, you’ve got this. I freaking love you with my whole heart and I will see you guys soon. See you next week.
April 27, 2023